Enjoy Those Pre-Wedding Parties
By: Crystal and Jason Melendez

Authors of e-Plan Your Wedding:
How to Save Time and Money with Today's Best Online Resources


Wedding Showers

Aside from the engagement party, your bridal shower will probably be the first pre-wedding bash you have. It’s a chance for your relatives and best friends to come together, get to know each other, and – of course – “shower” you with gifts and attention!

When?

Bridal showers are typically held one to two months before the wedding. As with most pre-wedding parties and get-togethers (with the exception of the rehearsal), you don’t want it to be any closer than that to the big day; too many activities too close to the wedding will swamp an already hectic schedule.


Who Plans and Organizes It?

Not you. The bride is the guest of honor here, so let others handle the details and just enjoy it!

Traditionally, this party is arranged and organized by the maid of honor, the bridal party as a group, a close friend, or (less common) a relative. While it’s often considered inappropriate for parents, sisters, and grandparents of the bride to throw the shower (to some this is perceived as the family “asking” for gifts), they may want to help with the cost by picking up part of the catering tab or offering their home as the shower’s location.

You’ll want to get together with the person hosting your shower to make sure they have the right guests on the list (see below). If you think they might be planning a surprise shower, make sure they have access to guests’ names and contact info. Your fiancé might be able to assist them in this area, but if you want to be sure, write up a list of names or print out the appropriate contacts from your online guest database.


Who’s Invited?

The bridal shower is traditionally an intimate affair that includes just the bride’s attendants, her family, relatives of the groom (mother, sisters, and so forth), and close friends. The average guest count is between 20 and 40, and any more than that is probably too many. Obviously, anyone invited to a wedding shower should be invited to the wedding as well, unless it’s an “office shower” thrown by your coworkers or your wedding will take place out of town. If you’re going to be having multiple showers, you should probably avoid duplicating the guest lists; inviting the same guests to too many gift-giving events can make the whole thing an unwelcome financial burden.

The person or persons planning and hosting your shower will be responsible for sending out the invitations. They should include the name of the planner, the bride’s name, date and location, as well as a notice if it’s to be a surprise. An RSVP e-mail or phone number is usually provided as well. You may also want your guests to be able to send an RSVP for the shower from your wedding website; you can give the access information to your planner to set it up.


What Happens and Where?

The shower is usually held at the home of the person planning it, or at a relative’s house (a sister, aunt, or the mother of the bride, for example). Commonly, a luncheon or tea party is held, but it can be as creative and unique as the planner wishes: a pool party, picnic, or barbeque are all possibilities. The bride will open her bridal shower gifts, and the planner might even have games on the agenda. Make sure that all your gifts are recorded (have someone create a list with the name of each guest and their gift) so you can send thank-you notes soon after the shower.

One popular option that works especially well if you’re having multiple showers is the “theme” shower. For example, you might have a linen shower, a kitchen shower, lingerie shower, and/or a Tupperware shower. It helps prevent duplicate gifts and gives you a chance to receive items you may need more than others.


Bridesmaids’ Luncheon

Your attendants will be running errands, backing you up, providing emotional support, and...well, attending to you...throughout the planning and on the big day. The bridesmaids’ luncheon is a fun, traditional way to get your girls together and show them your appreciation.

When?

This get-together is usually held a few weeks before the wedding. Yes, this is one of the busiest times of your planning, but the time demand is pretty low, as you’ll see.


Who Plans and Organizes It?

This one’s in the bride’s court. Along with your bridesmaids’ gifts, it’s your way of saying thanks to those who will be serving as your attendants.


Who’s Invited?

You’ll invite your maid of honor and all your bridesmaids.


What Happens and Where?

While traditionally a luncheon, this get-together can be an actual restaurant outing, lunch at a friend’s, or even a round of cocktails after a day of dress shopping. It’s just a way of getting the girls together and thanking them, so you can do it your style and any way that fits your busy schedule. You can give your girls their  bridesmaid gifts at this get-together, or wait until the rehearsal dinner.

You might also want to have a traditional bridesmaids’ cake baked for the event. Such cakes contain a token inside (a ring, charm, or thimble) and—as bridal lore goes—whoever gets the slice with the token will be the next to wed.


Bachelorette Bashes

Whether it’s a foray into Vegas, a night on the town, or some drinks and poker (for him) and a pajama party with the girls (for her!), bachelorette parties are an optional but time-honored tradition for you both to get together with your closest friends and party before the big day. You’ll often hear that the sake of the party is your last big night as a single guy/gal, but we know it’s really your upcoming marriage you’re celebrating. In fact, a traditional custom for the groom-to-be (just slightly less known than the stripper-jumping-out-of-the-cake routine) has long been to fill his and his groomsmen’s glasses and toast his new bride. The glasses were then shattered so that they could never be used for a less worthy purpose.

When?

These parties are usually held during the last couple weeks before the wedding, preferably three days or more before the wedding day itself.


Who Plans and Organizes It?

Not you! The best man and maid of honor traditionally get the fun of planning and organizing each of your big night out.


Who’s Invited?

It’s your call. Who do you feel most comfortable to get together and hang out with in such an intimate setting? Your attendants are a given. Your best man will get the guys together for the bachelor party, and your maid of honor will do the same with the girls for the bachelorette bash. Feel free to enforce any invitation list wishes you may have.


What Happens and Where?

Anything. Anywhere! This is a chance to get out with your buds and celebrate your upcoming marriage (and last night of singlehood), so do it your way and have fun! Even if your hosts insist on surprising you with their party agenda, slip them a hint or two on your preferences (if you’d like to keep it low key, for example, but you know your friends want to plan a crazy bar-hopping night out, you’d better let them know!).


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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Crystal and Jason Melendez are the authors of e-Plan Your Wedding:
How to Save Time and Money with Today's Best Online Resources
(June 2006; $18.95US; 1-933457-00-3).
For more information, please visit http://www.eplanyourwedding.com

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