What Type of Wedding Ceremony?
By: Crystal and Jason Melendez

Authors of e-Plan Your Wedding:
How to Save Time and Money with Today's Best Online Resources


Your ceremony defines your wedding. It’s the big, anticipated event that joins you as husband and wife before the eyes of those most important to you. Your wedding vision, along with your personal beliefs, will be a major part of what fashions and shapes this historical moment in your lives.


The Type of Ceremony

Before you can start location hunting, make sure you have a good idea of exactly what type of ceremony you envision. Researching and visiting venues is time consuming, so don’t fall into the trap of leaping into it before doing your homework. The first point to consider—which may already be a given for you based on your personal beliefs—is whether your ceremony will be overseen by a religious officiant according to the customs and traditions of a particular faith, or presided over by a legal official with a more flexible ceremony format. Your options for location type, formality, and style will be based on where your beliefs and preferences direct you.


Religious or Civil?

Let’s start building the foundation for your wedding ceremony with this all-important question, and discuss just what it means to have a religious ceremony as opposed to a civil one.

Religious Ceremonies

For many couples, their faith is an important part of their lives and background. Having your church or congregation—in addition to the state—recognize your union is a necessary requirement for some and a nice touch for others. For some very religious couples or those with especially religious families, it is the binding force of their marriage. Perhaps you’re not exactly a member of a particular religion, but feel a certain connection to one (it may be your parents’ religion, for example) and you might like to make the values and traditions of that faith an integral part of your wedding ceremony. Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to get more involved with a particular religion and have decided to make your wedding part of your embracing of it.

Whether it’s your religion or whether you’d like to show respect for that of your parents or sweetheart, a particular faith will have its own traditions, customs, and requirements for marriage beyond that of the state. Religious ceremonies are presided over by an officiant of that faith, and usually have a very specific format. The details may vary from one congregation to another, or from church to church, but the basic elements will be the same. Most religious ceremonies are performed in a place of worship: a church, temple, or synagogue.

If both are of different faiths, don’t let this become a barrier for you. Appreciate the fact that you have more than one source of tradition and customs to draw upon! Many religions welcome interfaith marriages, and there are several options for including both of your beliefs in your ceremony. For some, the easiest way to include both of their religions is actually to have a civil ceremony (more on this paradox in a bit).

Some (but not all) religious officiants will agree to perform the ceremony in a non-religious site of your choosing. You’ll need to check up on this when deciding on an officiant and a location; most Roman Catholic clergy members, for example, will only perform a wedding ceremony in a Catholic church.

Civil Ceremonies

No, this isn’t just for couples who want to take the Vegas route or say a quick “I do” at the county courthouse. While you’re welcome to tie the knot those ways, you can also opt for a ceremony every bit as detailed, symbolic, and traditional as a religious one performed in a house of worship.

A civil ceremony is simply one that is presided over by a legal officiant rather than a religious one. This officiant may be a judge, county clerk, magistrate, justice of the peace, mayor or notary public. They’ll often travel to a location of your choosing, and are usually flexible in terms of ceremony format, additions, and details—meaning that you can customize as you please. You may be able to add certain customized elements that a religious officiant might not allow, for example, while including enough religious and traditional additions to satisfy your family and personal beliefs.

Civil ceremonies are the option to go with if neither of you is religious, or if you just aren’t comfortable with a religious ceremony in general. You may want the ceremony held at a non-religious location and are having trouble finding an officiant of your religion willing to oversee the ceremony in a place other than a church.

Another reason you might opt for a civil ceremony is if you are both of different faiths, having trouble settling on the appropriate place of worship, and unable to find a religious officiant who is open enough to include both faiths to the extent you’d like. In this case, you could find a location of your own that suits you and have a civil officiant—one who would allow you to bring in the rituals and traditions as you see fit-oversee the ceremony.


Length and Formality

Both religious and civil ceremonies are fairly open when it comes to duration. You can have a full-length, symbolic tradition-filled ritual that lasts for an hour or more, or keep the whole thing short and sweet in less than fifteen minutes. It’s a balance you’ll need to decide between the two of you. While your guests will appreciate a short, concise ceremony that isn’t drawn-out or overly lengthy, you don’t want to rush such an important moment in your life. Make sure that every detail significant to you is included, and work with your officiant to get the timing down to something that you’ll be comfortable with. You’ll have plenty of practice with this during your rehearsal; just make sure at this point that the officiant you choose will be open to your suggestions.

As far as formality goes, you’ll want your ceremony to be as formal or informal as your reception. Keep in mind that religious ceremonies are, as a general rule, more formal and you’ll be subject to the dress code of the particular religion (usually nothing too revealing). With civil ceremonies, dress code won’t be an issue at all. If your wedding vision is a barefoot beach affair, for example, your best bet would probably be a civil ceremony.

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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Crystal and Jason Melendez are the authors of e-Plan Your Wedding:
How to Save Time and Money with Today's Best Online Resources
(June 2006; $18.95US; 1-933457-00-3).
For more information, please visit http://www.eplanyourwedding.com

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